Shia LaBeouf



Shia LaBeouf ("shy-yuh leh-buff", lit, "Thank God for beef") (June 11, 1986- ) is an American actor. He has appeared in several motion pictures including Holes, I, Robot, and Constantine as well as the lead role in Disturbia (the commercials for the DVD release of the film even referring to him as "Transformers'  Shia LeBeouf").

Shia is not actually a Shī‘a. He swears a lot... A whole lot. He drops the F-bomb almost 400 times daily. You would too if your dad were a mime.

"It's a movie; you have to update. To keep it in the '80s, that would be great for the twenty-five of you on the Internet, you know? But for the world it's like, you cannot have Megatron as a gun."

- Shia regarding Megatron, Megatron and certain fans

Personal Life
Shia LaBeouf recently married a woman by the name of Snow Apple. They enjoy turtles. She is attempting to get "The Beef" to wear glasses at all times and to hand out Oreos, a popular cookie with the Shia fans, to the fangirls who live outside their home in a tent located in Burbank, California.

His one true nemesis is a supervillain by the name of Retro Shadow. Eventually, they will meet in an epic battle in which she will take a massive dump on his head.

Family
While Shia Labeouf remains close to both his parents, the same can not be said f his estranged sister Sunni. The following is from a breaking news story reported by a local paparazzi mother of 13, almost 14, who wished to remain anonymous.

During the LaBeouf family reunion at scenic Griffith Park in Los Angeles yesterday, actor Shia LaBeouf admitted to reporters that, despite many overtures of peace from both sides of their conflict, he and his sister Sunni still remain hopelessly estranged.

'''"I don't know what it is with the two of us," said LaBeouf, crouching behind an overturned picnic table as small arms fire whistled overhead, "but whenever we get together we fight like cats and dogs." LaBeouf paused a moment to lob a grenade in the direction of Sunni's table. "Maybe we're just too much of the same kind, y'know?"'''

'''When asked about the origins of the sibling rivalry, Shia seemed uncertain. "Well it's just always been this way, as long as I can remember. But I think it really escalated as kids when my Ken doll car-bombed her Barbie Dream House. How the hell was I supposed to know that Skipper was inside?"'''

'''Shia then suggested that reporters scramble to a more defensible position behind the inflatable Moonhouse Castle Jumper. "Remember, stay low. GO GO GO!" shouted LaBeouf as he laid down covering fire with an aged Kalashnikoff rifle.'''

'''Behind the inflatable castle, Shia became somber. "It's really awkward for the rest of the family to be around us when we're fighting, especially at events like this," he said. "I mean, look. Other than the dead and wounded, everyone's left. It's embarrassing."'''

'''When a reporter asked what it would take to end the conflict and forge a lasting peace between the siblings, Shia laughed. "Hey, if you come up with something, I'm listening. But seriously, if Sunni would just acknowledge that I'm a great actor with many diverse talents," and here Shia paused to spit on the ground, "that would go a long way."'''

In more recent news, Shia commented on this articles telling Sunni to, "Suck it. Suck it hard."

Snow Apple
She is Shia's wife. They play in their Underoos with Transformers and drink hot cocoa. And adopt turtles.

"I've got to go get my wife some cookie dough. She's bugging the hell out of me for it. Hope I didn't knock her up. Shit."

- Shia on his wife, Snow Apple and her damned cookie dough.

"Shit. Looks like I knocked her up. In other news, she's naming the kid after a Corleone, so it's all good. Plus, preggo! Awww yeah."

- Shia, being a perv.

"Oh hell naw you ain't namin' my kid any Plum Pudding. Don't make me get my belt."

- Shia, telling Snow Apple she's batshit crazy.

In case anyone was wondering, "turtles" is code for Snow and Shia sex.

Arrests
Last year, LaBeouf caused a major international incident when he locked himself in a Chicago Walgreens Drug Store with hostages and employees inside. He refused to leave the store, took nude photos of himself and developed them in the 'One Hour' photo mat. Police finally stormed the drug mart with tear gas and arrested the upstart star who wept bitterly while being dragged away.

As he was hauled away by police, the actor began screaming "You guys don't know what you're doing! I'll send Optimus Prime after you! I'll send Indiana Jones to melt your faces! I'll make you watch marathons of Disney Channel shows! I'll make sure the only video you stock is Holes!"

A short time later, when the sun rose over the windy city, police discovered that the Walgreens drug store was leveled to the ground and all of the employees had their faces melted off while appearing to be choking themselves. In the rubble were 258 copies of the movie Holes (all that was left of the initial release of 300 copies). Television sets in the wreckage appeared to have pictures from "That's So Raven" burned into the screen (which is theorized to have caused the employees to attempt to choke themselves).

Now, quite recently, LaBeouf was caught smoking inside a local Chuck-E-Cheese restaurant. When informed by management that smoking was not allowed in the eatery, an enraged LaBeouf put his cigarette out on the Chuck-E-Cheese mouse mascot's nose. The manager threatened to call police as an angry LaBeouf jumped into the ball pit area and started tossing balls into the dining room hitting hapless parents and children who were trying to eat pizza.

Police arrived on the scene and issued LaBeouf a citation for disturbing the peace and breaking California's No Public Smoking ban.

After refusing to attend his hearing on the smoking charges, a bench warrant was issued for LaBeouf's arrest. A defiant LaBeouf turned himself in and stood before Judge Nick O'Teene Monday afternoon. LaBeouf was fined the maximum $500 fine for smoking in an enclosed, public area. As he walked out of the courtroom an enraged LaBeouf faced the judge, pulled down his britches and said, "smoke this".

LaBeouf's was let out of jail a week later, after he served his time for contempt of court.

Retro Shadow
Shia's ultimate nemesis is a supervillain by the name of Retro Shadow. In 2008, she declared war on the actor for what she termed, "Movie Rapage".

Retro's weapons include a superweapon known as the ALL CAPS and poo slinging. She is a "formidable foe".

Transformers (2007)



 * Samuel James Witwicky

Transformers The Game (console version)

 * Samuel James Witwicky (voice)